What Have The Developers Ever Done For Us?

Last week I provided a Rant Warning at the beginning of my Blog, this week it’s a different type of warning…

As I have said on previous occasions, I am a child of 60’s England and therefore I grew up influenced by the pop/rock and comedy revolutions of that time. One of the enduring influences from our generation was that of the “Python” phenomena. Monty Python’s Flying Circus embodied everything we stood for and when the gang spread their wings into film we loved them even more. So, if you are not a Python fan or have never soaked up the Life of Brian you will get very little from this weeks’ Blog.

The scene is of a small group gathered around in a huddle. There are three or four Test Managers and a band of 15 or 20 Test Leads and Testers. They are on the point of anarchy as we join them….

Bazman: (pointing at a scrap of paper) We’re getting’ in through the hand manipulation modulation feature here, up through the main input module here, and the Developers code is here. Having grabbed his code, we inform the Developer that the code is in our custody and forthwith, issue our demands. Any questions?

Tester Xerxes: What exactly are the demands?

Reg: We’re giving the Developer two days to fix all the bugs and if he doesn’t we’re going to publish them on our Blog, one by one.

Matthias: Cut his head off?

Bazman: Cut all his bits off. Send ’em somethin’ every hour. Show them we’re not to be trifled with.

Reg: Also, we’re demanding a 10 foot mahogany statue of the Development Manager with his **** hangin’ out.

Maddy: They’ll never agree to that, Reg.

Reg: That’s just a bargaining counter. And of course, we point out that they bear full responsibility when we chop him up, and that we shall not submit to their blackmail!!

Testers: No Blackmail!!

Reg: They’ve bled us white, the bast**ds. They’ve taken everything we had from us, from our fathers and our fathers fathers… And what have they given us in return??

Xerxes: Our jobs?

Reg: WHAT??

Xerxes: Our jobs.

Reg: Oh, yeah, yeah. they did give us them; that’s true.

Tester #3: And the Performance fix.

Xerxes: Yeah, and the Performance fix. Remember what the product was like before the Performance fix?

Reg: Yeah, alright. I’ll grant you our jobs and the Performance fix are two things the Developers have given us.

Matthias: And the Binary de-coder (smiling).

Reg: Yeah, we’ll obviously the Binary De-coder. I mean, the Binary De-coder goes without saying, don’t it. But apart from our jobs, the Performance fix and the Binary De-coder; what have the Developers …..

Tester #4: Triage Support?

Xerxes: Memory Dumps?

Testers ( as a group): Yeah, yeah, yeah!!

Tester #2: Debugging Workshops?

Testers: Ooooh

Reg: Alright, fair enough.

Tester #1: And the new Interest pre-calculator

Testers: Ooh, yes!!

Maddy: That’s something we’d really miss, Reg, if the Developers left.

Tester #4: Extracts of Production Data?

Xerxes: And it’s safe to use the Defragger now, Reg.

Issy: Yeh, they certainly know how to keep things under control around here Reg, let’s face it; they’re the only ones who can…

Testers: Heh, Heh, Heh (resembling a cackle of hyenas by now)

Reg: All right, all right. But apart from our jobs, the Performance fix, the Defragger, the Production Data Extractor, the Debugging Workshops, Triage Support, the Binary Decoder, Memory Dumps and the Interest pre-calculator, what have the Developers ever done for us?

Xerxes: Brought Pizza?

Reg: Oh, shut up

…. Fades to rush for the door as the Pizzas arrive

So, why did I write that spoof? To entertain myself (and hopefully a few other fellow Python fans) during a tough time in my personal life. As I wrote last week, my Dad has been very sick for some time now and a few days ago he lost his battle with heart disease – joining my Mum in his next life. My Dad was a huge Python fan and so hopefully, now that his pain has gone, he will find time to smile a little at this Blog.

We all need downtime in our jobs and Testing is just a job – it is not our lives. It may appear at times to take over our lives, but at the end of the day, we all have families and friends who come before our working lives. I have struggled with work/life balance on many occasions during my career and during those important family growing up times I was absent from far too many important activities. Fortunately, I no longer have those dilemmas, but many of you reading this will still have them. I can’t tell you what is right or wrong in these situations but I can say – “love is a very precious commodity and most of us only experience true love a few times in our lives; so if you have true loves in your life, cherish them and nurture them”.

My Dad gave me many gifts, but the most treasured one is Love.

Dateline: Bagshot, Surrey; Thursday January 24

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6 thoughts on “What Have The Developers Ever Done For Us?

  1. Hi Colin first time I have experienced your itesting site. Found it very amusing and also the sentiments at the end moving. I shall definitely be looking on this site weekly. Must tell Rob as he is a very keen Python fan. Marian xxx

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