So long, fair world, it is time for me to sail off into the sunset, taking with me my orthogonal array gun and retire to that beautiful corner of the Universe where old Software Testers go to die – GitHub Major… It is a sad day for me, as I have finally accepted the brutality of software development in the 21st century – there is no place for a relic such as I – the much maligned Software Tester. For several years now I have been fighting a rearguard action while under constant attack from Agilist Propaganda. And so I have decided to cut and run, while I’m still at the top of my game. I don’t want to end up like some 70’s pop idol working for peanuts in some third-rate government agency backwater, regression testing a 40-year old payroll system cobbled together using fragments of COBOL-74.
But you still have so much to offer, I hear you say….
But what shall I do and where will I be respected for my skills (and ISTQB qualifications) that I have so diligently acquired throughout my professional career? Maybe there is some far flung planet in a galaxy far, far away that still needs a bug magnet. Maybe I can join the Dojo Alliance and spend my days recording defect triage videos that will appear as a backdrop to some 22nd century Reality TV show? Maybe I’ll download the entire EuroSTAR back catalog and sun myself on a beach near the Sea of Tranquility?
Yesterday I was a Software Tester and the force was with me. Today I am too sad to face reality. Maybe next week I’ll seek inspiration from the Life of Brian and pursue a long held ambition and search for the Holy Grail of software development: the on-time, on-budget, bug-free software delivery project. A search that I fear will end like some Quentin Tarantino movie – in a pool of blood.
Dateline: Tuesday November 22, 2016